BOOTLEG BLOG

The Gmod Stream and the horror of digital connection.

TW: THIS SERIES CONTAINS DISTURBING IMAGERY AND THEMES, SUDDEN LOUD NOISES, AND FLASHING IMAGERY

(This page may be edited in the future, maybe to make everything more focused, to fix typos, etc)

I was watching the YouTuber Hazel's fake creepypasta video one day and in it she gives a shout out to a stream vod simply called "the gmod stream" by someone named marciesss. I've always considered Gmod a really good medium for horror just by how uncanny the game feels to me so naturally I had to watch it, what I got was beyond what I was expecting, and infinitely more than I was prepared for.

I'll be linking the full stream here both so more people can find it and as I'll be noting timestamps when there's a specific something I want to comment on.

The stream starts quite simply, the stream starts with our lead Darkstar, or simply just "Star",, and her best friends Jess and Patty, and it honestly feels extremely believable and candid, I went through a phase of digging through small streamers and you can feel that vibe here as well.
It seems that the 3 of them were planning on meeting up for the very first time that day but sadly both Jess and Patty's flights were completely cancelled, so the 3 have settled to just play Gmod together.
All's simple, honestly quite charming, you can tell these 3 are very close. It's quite nostalgic for me personally, just the way they talk to each other. But that changes rather quickly as at 3:05 the video distorts. It's hard to exactly make out everything, a person, a face, a TV? It's unclear and very jarring, immediately showing that this isn't just some fun casual gmod stream with an unfortunate context. There's something here.

Seeing these 3 talk to each other is so sweet, just dicking around in Gmod and telling stories about the game they're playing. Gmod is such a staple with silly internet friends, it just feels like the perfect game for this, other than another but we'll get there later. Little things like how Patty barely played any Gmod until meeting these 2 just feels right, it makes everything more believable, though I'm sure that's because the 3 in this video are actual friends and I'm sure this project is extremely personal to the 3 of them.
Jess and Star teasing Patty for calling Glados for being "too mean" and them introducing Valve games to her is so sweet, as someone who was very much in Patty's shoes for awhile it just feels right.

There's a lot of typical Gmod tomfoolery, messing with NPCs and such, Jess is showing Star a fun little easter egg(14:55), but when she enters she walks into a red room with a couch, a TV, a desk, a doll of some sorts, and absolutely covered in blood, with the vague outline of a man standing there. Here is where the stream really starts to alter into something else entirely.


"we will be together soon"
I can't begin to even describe this part in just words, this song Marciesss created for this project has been stuck in my head for forever, it's just beautiful but deeply unsettling. With sights of a girl that we can only assume is Star, trapped behind a monitor along with committing demonic rituals and of course, are first proper introduction of the redman along side a neocities link.

redman.neocities.org

What we find is a neocities page and a story that reads akin to an old school Creepypasta. Our protagonist, seemingly seperate from our main 3, talks doing a stream very similar to what we're currently watching, though with some altered details, like the exact encounter on who they refer to as simply the "redman". Talking about the strange phenomena sending them down this rabbithole of an old internet rumor. The original rumor surrounding the redman causing problems in regards to someone's long distant relationship, our protagonist can't help but go deeper into the rabbithole.
Our protagonist and their friends were hanging out as they usually do, messing around, they found him them. Exclaiming, and I quote, "redman pog" and is immediately met with excitement from their friends as well.

As more sightings happened the redman formed into this inside joke and point of bonding with this friendgroup, seemingly this silly little creepypasta bringing their bond closer. Our protagonist talks about how happy they are to have these friends, specifying a girl by the name of "Crystal" who had been starting to open up more and more to the group over time.
As time goes on the redman loses it's charm for our protagonist, their friends still send sightings of it but it just doesn't feel the same anymore, along side that they begin to notice a pattern, people going through the exact same thing their friend group did. All of them are pretty sweet, until...

"among the stories though, there are sets of names, emergency contacts, locations. and i feel sick.
people are going missing."

Crystal has gone radio silent, not responding to our protagonist at all, her status becoming deeply cryptic. Our protagonist talks about how they always just want to meet up with their friend, how deeply they love her, but will never be able to see her, to be with her, to connect with her. They need to connect with her.

"depsite our lapse in communication, this whole mess has made me feel closer to her than ever. i know i’m going to meet her soon. the red glow from my monitor must be a sign that she’s reaching out from beyond the void, radiating an incomprehensible, indescribable warmth that i cant help but crave. i can almost hear her sweet hymns caroling through my headphones. and i want to listen."

"i just want to see you for once"

So uh, gmod stream, right.

Minecraft?

(18:22)

We come back to immediate whiplash as they've switched games entirely, now playing Minecraft in a map that's a complete rebuild of Gmod's construct.
The 3 act like all that happened was a stream glitch, now the visuals being odd, with silly images tainted in red on the screen. And overall everything seems off.

They swap to Minecraft as Gmod as Gmod was lagging too much, Patty ended up spawning in the incorrect area of the map and seems a tad but more anxious than previously and Jess seemingly being very aloof about it, Star's mic also seems to be cutting out a little bit. There's this sense of tension, where it's gone from silly scuffs and now something feels uncomfortable.
It feels heavy, uncomfortable, it all feels forced. With this constant corruption on screen, they're of silly images, but it just feels wrong.

At 26:40 not long after they acknowledge the neocities website that had been being spammed in their chat, yet again linking the redman with whatever is corrupting this stream. Shout out to Hazel in the chat going "sorry i was away did i miss anything" right afterwards.
Something I forgot to point out is Star not remembering what Amy looked like despite spawning her in just the game before, whether this is her trying to engage with the chat or something else is unclear but it's something I figured I'd mention.

(29:24)
Star tells a little story about her younger brother pranking her by installing a mod on Minecraft pocket edition of Herobrine, she cuts the story pretty short as she doesn't remember it very well, but nonetheless it gets them on the topic of Herobrine, where Star goes on to say:

"What do you remember Herobrine looking like? Cuz I- There's like multiple accounts and uh, tellings. And I hear like a couple different... things... about him."
"A lot of people say that uh, he has white eyes and a Minecraft Steve player skin, but that's not really the version I remember."

Star goes on to claim that the white eyed Herobrine is not the only itteration of him, despite no one knowing what she's talking about, Star seems to be discomforted by this. Jess trying to shift the topic entirely, Star goes on to claim that the Herobrine she saw looked completely red, but she's mostly being talked over or being ignored.
A slightly tense interaction happens when Jess teases Star for not knowing about the "duck face trend" on social media and mockingly asks if she's been living under a rock, it feels like both Star and Patty seem to take this insult a little more seriously, it's incredibly uncomfortable because it's unclear if Patty is just following along with the bit or if she's being serious. Star changes the subject.

Star specifies about the supposed different versions of Herobrine, she yet again gets ignored. (34:18) Star tries to find the same secret room that was on the Gmod map and she does in fact find it yet again, and we get another distorted clip. A distorted version of a song I can't seem to find anywhere plays with the lyrics
"all you need is a one way trip, i'm gonna see you soon"
The themes are becoming clearer.

Red.

(34:52)
The moment we come back Star is nowhere near where she was, being next to her Amy build rather in the secret room, without saying a word she grabs a redstone block and begins building, both Jess and Patty seem completely unaware, just telling stories about themselves. Star feels a lot more seperated from the other 2 now. She doesn't feel like she's entirely there.

" 'What's this build?' We'll see."

Star's mic is cutting out more and more, she's only really interacting with the chat, finally claiming she's building Herobrine. Star finally goes to interact with them, they invite her to join in building their house, but she seems unresponsive, and just starts building on the house using the redstone blocks, Jess pointing out how strange it is, but Star still doesn't say anything, she just continues. Patty notices her 'Herobrine' build and seems mildly confused, Star only saying "(I) Remember him..."

Star seems distinctly distressed that no one else remembers Herobrine looking like that, her friends playing it off as a joke, but she isn't joking. Claiming to be the one her little brother modded in, going on to say "I mean I-I think it was Herobrine" Showing that her friends are making her question herself.
Jess goes on to question the age of Star's brother, him being about 10 when he installed the mod.

"I guess that's... enough to be technologically literate enough to uh, have installed that mod"

It feels like Jess flat out doesn't believe Star's story for whatever reason, despite not really having much of a reason to not believe it in the first place. She kinda jokes about how it's weird for her as a friend to be questioning her story but it doesn't remove the fact that she clearly doesn't believe her.

Star very omminously says "Wanna see him?" making Patty uncomfortable while Jess still just sorta plays along not really taking it seriously. Star starts spamming the redstone block, telling her friends to stay still, as she entraps them. Another clip plays.

(41:47)
It's a lot shorter, I believe it's a clip from Evangelion, sadly it's been so long since I've engaged with the franchise I can't really pin point in my head the meaning of this, though I do assume the choice of Rei is very deliberate, I may come back to this part in the future if i refresh my memory on Evangelion, but for now I have to leave it as is.
This time we come back right where we were before, Star's behavior becoming more discomforting. Patty breaks out and Star seems genuinely distressed by this.

"Wait, why'd you leave me?"
"Well I- I just wanna do more stuff in minecraft and you kinda blocked us in I'm sorry."

Star just uncomfortably stares at Patty and traps her in again. Patty clearly uncomfortable and just wanting to play the game, Star just keeps adding more and more layers.
Jess suddenly starts getting very sentimental, saying she's thankful that even if they didn't get the chance to meet in person they have this digital space to be together in, Patty agrees, during this Star continues to add to the 'Herobrine' pillar aggresively. But it shifts very quickly, Patty yet again questioning Star on what she wants her to do and then Jess angerly exclaiming "Build your goddamn room!"
This moment should be sweet but it still feels weird, Star pauses, presumably to look at an imgur image in chat, which I'll admit is super fuckin funny, I assume this person is a friend of Marcie's who was aware of the project before hand, I love this image. But this does reveal that her current skin is of Reisen from Touhou, this one of definitely reading too much into as this could easily just what happened to be Marcie's skin during the stream, but her playing as the character with the ability to drive people insane and said insanity is usually represented with the color red just feels intentional to me.

Star abruptly leaves the game, but she seems confused, acting like her game crashed. A chat member(that I can't seem to find in the vod) brings up how this stream makes them feel nostalgic because they'd play it a lot with their best friend before they moved away, this causes Star to freeze, her mic cutting out more than before, trying to talk about her friends, but it just keeps cutting out. It's enough that it's the first time the chat actively points it out.

Jess ends up leaving the box, sounding a bit anxious, trying to explain that she just wants to play the game while Star just continuously asks her "why?" over and over. The glitched visuals appear again. Star's barely comprehensible now with how much her mic is cutting out, she's generally unresponsive to any questions the others ask to her. Jumping into the ingame water when her friends tell her to drink some water. The Neocities page begins to be spammed again. Star freezes again.

"As much as we play together... It doesn't feel..Like we're really...Uh... Sorry I don't know."

"I just kinda wish I could feel as connected to my friends online as I do with my real ones, but I know for a lot of other people that's like, easier, but for me it's... Hard."

It feels like the seams of these bonds are coming loose, Star's anxieties becoming reality, not wanting her to leave, she leads her to a room. A room with the redman.

(52:02)
Surrounded by red monitors a single person sits down, and in a single moment they vanish.

"thanks for coming all the way out here to see me
though i guess there isn't really a 'here' anymore lol"

Come here.

We're back to Gmod. The screen has even more images on it. But Jess's behavior has drastically changed, thanking Star for 'showing her'.
Patty's confused, they reassure her they'll show her soon.

The tension increases, Star still trying to entrap Patty. Star's mic is incomprehensible at this point, only sparse audible words. Star, yet again, goes to the secret room, though it seems pretty normal at first, the person making it abnormal being Star herself, making the room bright red, spawning items on mass. She organizes some bottles, she's making a pentagram.

"Can you like... Come here, Patty?
"What's up? What'd you need?"
"I mean like... come here come here.
"I'm-I'm in front of you in the game."
"Right..."
"You're talking about the game, right?

Jess's original teasing starts to shift in tone, it feels a lot more aggresive, her playful targetting of Patty feels more angered. Star keeps trying to entrap her while Jess keeps trying to kill her. Patty seems a bit uncomfortable but generally trying to laugh it off. Getting more annoyed as she keeps dying.

1:04:41
This interruption in particular makes me uncomfortable, it starts off really goofy, old school YouTube-core. But the cheery happy music with just the image of Misato from Evangelion lying presumably dead is super unnerving. Then it's just met with a long string of silence until the stream comes back.
There's a breif sense of normalcy, they're talking normally for the most part, but Jess still feels weirdly targeted towards Patty, mocking her any chance she gets. I'ts been abnormal for so long that any moment of normalcy feels wrong now, there's a tension seeping out. They're still targetting Patty afterall. Patty's clearly annoyed but everyones' seemingly ignoring it. Star reacts to her ingame death in an odd way, telling Jess to be more careful and that it hurts. She keeps reacting in genuine pain. But refusing to treat Patty in the same way.

Star takes one of Patty's many ragdolls to the pentagram she has made earlier, seemingly trying to get something to happen. While Jess's pokes at Patty turn to straight up insults, berating her intelligence, Patty's trying desperately to laugh it off, she is very blatantly uncomfortable, but her friend keeps ignoring it, jabbing at her.
It's genuinely uncomfortable, watching this friendship fall apart over something so minor, just because Patty couldn't finish a game because she found it too hard. I'ts nauseating watchinh them bully this friend of theirs despite clearly caring about her earlier in the stream, it feels like a nightmare. They lead her to a dark room, bright red, to have a serious conversation.

(1:19:45)
I have a hard time really putting this section into words, it's physically hard for me to watch. Jess trying to pin the blame on Patty for being overdramatic as if she hasn't been blatantly bullying her, it hurts to watch, it makes me wanna crawl out of my skin. (This is a good thing, shows how well made this is.)
Patty starts talking down on herself, seemingly trying to de-esculate the conflict, that's when it seems to click in Jess and Star's head what they've been doing this entire time, hurting their friend. Jess and Star start to comfort her, telling her that they love her, then. Patty's Discord crashes.

Connection

(1:23:19 if the embed breaks)

I physically cannot do the final section of this justice in word, so I've simply just linked to it. One of my new favorite horror scenes of all time, period.

"On September 16th I met my best friends for the very first time. We find each other in lines of text, and chatrooms and guestbooks. We gaze at our reflections through our blue screens, ourselves only defined by icon and autobiography. Laying in the data stream, we were enveloped in the warmth of light admitting DIOS. We were messy, flawed, and unoptimized, but when we finally connected I knew we would be put into each other's memories forever. For the first time I saw their faces, and for the first time, we felt love. We know how crushing it could feel when there's so much distance between you and I, just remind yourself that we're all connected by our wires."

"If you ever feel alone or hell just wanna chat and play some Gmod, just message Patty, Jess, or Darkstar."

"You'll know where to find us."

Conclusion.

The theming is quite blatant isn't it? I'm sure any chronically online freak like me felt a nerve get struck here.
I grew up extremely isolated, all I had was the internet for connection, I've been through many internet friend groups, it's almost all I've known until I started working. This deep distress at the barrier in the form of a monitor hurts me in such a personal way. I'm so incredibly thankful this came out AFTER I had properly met up with my best friends and moved in with my 5 year long distance boyfriend, or else this would have BROKEN me. But even then my closest platonic bonds are so far away, the closest is 3 and a half hours away and even then, we're both full-time working adults. The monitor's barrier still exists.

I started dating my boyfriend online in 2018. I met my best friends in 2018 but truly started to bond with them in 2020. This yearning, this need, to just see these people in front of you. I feel it, I feel it so deeply. Deep in the night, talking to these people at 3am, telling them how much they mean to me. It hurt. It hurt so bad. I wanted to crawl int othe screen to be with them. A being like the Redman would've tricked me into his digital hellspace of wires easily. I remember crying in bed just wishing I could hold my boyfriend or just shoot the shit with my friends in person. It ate at my very being.

The Redman is a being that feeds off of this need, this yearning to just be together, making is worse, and then taking them away, to 'be together forever'. But even if we can't be there physically,
we'll always be connected by our wires, right?